Inside love

It’s true that you can’t
ever truly be you,
while you struggle to juggle
what they want from you.
And I know you forget how to know how you feel.
Your thoughts end up an echo
of what they say is real.
You are just not important,
your feelings don’t matter.
They don’t shake, they don’t break, they don’t cry out or shatter.
Or scream at the top of their lungs to please listen,
while you force them all out
till they’re lost in the distance.
Until everything you are is called into question
and there’s only fragments of you that are left.
Just a shell, no opinions,
no wants and no needs.
A machine that’s sole purpose in life is to please.
And no-one has noticed
but inside you bleed,
and you suffer for all the
emotional greed.
And you wonder what happened,
what happened to me?
Why is my life not mine,
and why don’t I feel free
to do and to say what comes naturally
and not what I hope
is the right script to read.
It may be that this life is all that you know,
what you learned growing up
when the seeds were first sown.
That this is the pattern of love that was shown,
and you’ve not had the chance to work out on your own
that maybe you’re worth just as much as the others.
To tell yourself that it is safe to recover
the wants and the needs
you shoved under the covers.
It may seem an obvious lesson to learn,
but those who are taught
that love has to be earned
do whatever it takes
to feel loved in return.
And if you stand still for a moment
you’ll hear
that the choices you’re making
are driven by fear
of not playing the part
as well as they expected,
and risking the heartbreak
of being rejected.
So the show must go on
as it keeps you protected,
while the rest of you hides
in the wings undetected.
I hope that one day
you’ll open your eyes
and let go of the need to be what they define.
By realising you can push fear to one side
and replenish the space
with acceptance and pride,
you can grow a new love
that will glow from inside.

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